Asking me what my favorite beer is is like asking which one of my children I love the most.

-i don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it.

-beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

-why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

-i couldn't repair your brakes, so i made your horn louder.

-i used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

-what happens if you get scared half to death twice?

-eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

-if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

-i work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!